Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Have you ever felt that you are not what you are. That all that you have been portraying were just a mere pretense. An act. I just did.
I AM A HYPOCRITE.
A hypocrite to my religion, my family, the people around me and ultimately to myself.
I call myself a muslim, but I don't perform my duties as one. Instead, I do what my religion told me not to. And when hardship sails in, then I want to start seeking help from GOD almighty. I only think of HIM when I'm in diffulties, and when I'm not, I totally forgot about him. Isn't that HYPOCRISY?
I claimed I love my mum so much, but did I ever spare a thought for her before doing anything? No. I do things to my likings not considering how she's gonna feel. I had a blast time enjoying literally every night while she had to weep for she was worried for me, years ago. Even after getting expelled from SP, I didn't feel guilty. What a heartless daughter! And now, I had to trouble her again with my even PHATter school fees at SIM. Another act of HYPOCRISY!
Stupid as I am, I never appreciate people who cares for me. And when shits happened, then I'd start realising their worth. By then, its too late. When people are nice to me, I never reacted like they deserved. I didn't bother being nice to them too. I am rude, insensitive and ignorant to their well being.
I always wanted the best for myself. But unfortunately, I don't even know what's best for me. I am fickle. And I can never change that. Haiz...Somehow, I always make mistakes and blow my chance on achieving something I longed for. Plain clumsy! I always consider what others say more than mine, even to the extent of hurting myself at times. Yes, I am a hypocrite.
|| The Muse Spoke @ 1/20/2009 11:15:00 PM ||
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Mardiyah Binte Jumari 
